“Metanoia” Digital Release on Documentary+
Ten years after it’s completion, “Metanoia” finally finds a home.
Watch "Metanoia” on Documentary+
In 1991, on the north face of the Eiger in Switzerland, climber Jeff Lowe was huddled by himself in a small cave three quarters of the way up the wall. It was the middle of winter and he was climbing solo, committed to daring new route on one of the most iconic faces in all of Europe, as the rest of his life back home was falling apart. With his senses heightened from days of delicate winter climbing, the veil between his waking life and spiritual being worn thin by the combination of fear, starvation and determination, and hundreds of feet of unknown climbing still above him, Jeff experienced a psychedelic break that brought all the chaotic parts of himself into focus. In many ways, it was the climactic moment of his life, and thus a perfect climax to the feature documentary Metanoia that I directed in 2013 & 2014.
Jeff starting up his first ascent of “Metanoia” on The Eiger, solo in winter
Completed in the spring of 2015, the film is only now getting a digital release on the Documentary+ platform, and I couldn't be more excited to finally share it with the hundreds of people who helped make the film possible, the dozens of sponsors and stakeholders, and what I hope will be many new viewers who have never heard of Jeff or his legendary exploits in the climbing world.
When I first met Jeff and producer Connie Self, I had just left the world premiere of another feature doc (also narrated by Jon Krakauer) called High and Hallowed: Everest1963, about the first American expedition to Mt. Everest, which I co-directed and edited. They approached me after the film, Jeff barely speaking and bound to his electric wheelchair, and said they were looking for someone to drive the bus on a feature documentary about Jeff's life. I had been leap-frogging from one project to the next, gaining steam as a director in my late twenties, and only now realize how lucky I was to be approached with such a profound story at my tender young age. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to work with so many of my climbing heroes, but most importantly, it was probably the best non-fiction story I'll ever get the chance to tell. Jeff's life was so full of ups and downs, twists and turns, missteps and resolutions, and natural arcs, it was immediately obvious how deserving of a feature documentary it was (not to mention a book or screenplay).
Metanoia is a story about redemption: climbing out of our lowest moments as better people, making amends for bitter mistakes, and transcending the myths we invent about ourselves and others to see ourselves as we truly are: human; It's about how life's most difficult challenges can reveal deeper truths about ourselves and our actions; It's also about climbing history, the evolution of sports, living with terminal illness, and what it takes to be a visionary; It’s about a lot. Jeff's life story is neatly broken into chapters, which also parallel the development of climbing as a sport—since he was the one making the breakthroughs at each threshold of reinvention.
It should be said for the uninitiated that Jeff Lowe is one of the greatest alpinists in history. Whether modern climbers know it or not, Jeff influenced every aspect of the sport, from ice climbing techniques, to rope soloing, equipment innovations, and the way climbing media and competition is created and consumed. It is an understatement to say that the sport would not be the same without him.
Yet Metanoia is ultimately about his later life, long after he made his mark on the sport, had his affairs with women, tanked his businesses and lied his way through the outdoor industry—it's about his final dance with a terminal neurodegenerative illness that finally claimed his life in 2019. Jeff brings the same steadfast resilience to his illness that he brought to his climbing, surviving longer than any doctor could have predicted, and becoming something like an ascetic monk in the process, outgrowing his physical form like a spiritual guru. He was able to do that largely because of that experience he'd had on the Eiger in 1991, when the greater scope of his life became clear, and his metaphysical potential was realized. It's pretty trippy.
Of course the film is full of sports action too, which was incredibly fulfilling to capture and dig up. Cutting edge ice climbing, archival footage of the first ascent of Bridal Veil in Colorado, the first ascent of Moonlight Buttress, and the rest of Jeff's unparalleled resume of paradigm-shifting climbs around the world. Because of that, Metanoia holds up as a climbing film as much as a documentary about sport or illness or human interest or history. But underneath all of that, thanks to the writing chops of Jon Krakauer and Bill Kerig, with whom I wrote the narration and structure of the film, there's a lot more meaning and poetry about Jeff's life, what it means to be a climber, and the wisdom that can only come from facing one’s mortality.
Now, eleven years after completing the film, I'm thrilled to see it living on a proper platform where it can reach new audiences, or get revisited by the many fans from around the world who loved and admired Jeff Lowe.
For me, directing this film at 27 was a colossal undertaking, requiring me to be wise beyond my years and tell a deeply adult story about lived experiences I could never have related to or understood. Looking back, that is what I'm the most proud of—finding the poetry in Jeff's experience and giving it meaning that still holds up to 40-year-old Jim. I expect to find even more depth and nuance when I revisit it at 50 and beyond. Even now, this is the film I am most proud of in my whole career. Don't get me wrong, it's dated and there is a lot I would change… but I won't change a thing. The film itself has become archival, representing a time in history (and in Jeff's life, and my life, and a very different world than we live in now), and should be seen as it was intended, by the team that made it—no matter how old the director was.
It's also incredibly meaningful to revisit this film now that Jeff is gone. He passed away in 2019, after a final chapter of chaos and acrimony that is not included in the film. Jeff was a complicated person, and nothing is as simple as it appears in any movie, but if Metanoia taught me anything, it's about the power each of us has to change, to hold the course when necessary, and to live with humility but never regret.
